For as long as our girls have been old enough to sit at the table, dinner has been protected time in our house.
It started with a simple rule: no toys at the table. As the girls grew, that rule became no books at the table. And from the very beginning, there has been no technology at the table, for anyone.
Dinner is not always perfect. Some nights it goes sideways before anyone takes a bite. But it is the time we have chosen to connect with one another, and we have kept choosing it for years.
I have never seen protecting that time as a parenting rule; to me, it is a leadership choice.
Why Connection Needs Protecting
Now that I have two tweens, there are days when I only see them for a few minutes. Without intention, those few minutes are easily consumed by planning logistics, reminders about homework, and requests to pick up their things.
None of those conversations are wrong. They are part of leading within a family. But if they became the only conversations, the relationship would start to feel like a series of requests.
Connection is easy to value and surprisingly easy to lose. Calendars fill. Kids get older and busier. Screens are always within reach. Without a deliberate decision to protect it, connection is often the first thing to slip away.
That is why protecting connection is a leadership choice. It means deciding what matters most, setting clear standards around it, and holding to those standards when life pushes back.
Dinner as Protected Time
Our family decided early that dinner would be our time to connect with one another. The rules about toys, books, and technology were never really about the objects themselves. They were about making room for each other.
The no-technology rule applies to everyone, including my husband and me. If we expect our girls to put their devices away, we need to do the same. When we follow the same standard, it becomes something we share as a family, not just a rule for the kids.
We also try to leave logistics out of dinner. Schedules and reminders can be handled another time. Dinner is for learning about each other’s days and talking about current events. During the months leading up to and throughout ski season, dinner conversation also includes my husband’s daily report on snowfall at our local mountain. Sometimes it is learning what the girls are hoping for on their birthdays or which activities they want to try next season. Those conversations give them room to dream out loud, and they give us room to listen.
Not every dinner goes the way we hope. Sometimes a daughter refuses to eat the dinner that was made especially for her, someone is upset about something that happened earlier, or all the girls can muster are one-word answers. On these nights, my husband and I carry the conversation by talking about our work or something we are looking forward to. Our daughters are watching how we ask questions, listen, and share what we are working through. Even those nights matter. We are still at the table together.
Now that our girls are tweens, dinner looks different. Most nights, not everyone is at the table. But we still honor dinner as respectful family time, no matter who is there. It remains a consistent opportunity for connection.
One-on-One Time, Planned with Intention
The second way we protect connection is through one-on-one time.
When our girls were young and we had a mostly open weekend, we put one-on-one time on the calendar. These were our Mommy-daughter and Daddy-daughter days. My husband would spend one day with one daughter and the next day with the other. I would do the same.
We each planned independently, choosing activities unique to each girl’s personality. One of our daughters loves dance and high-energy activities. One of my favorite days with her was a Vietnamese festival filled with dancing, performances, local food, and a bit of chaos. It was a day designed for her. Our other daughter loves routine. Her ideal day is a visit to her favorite museum, followed by a treat from the same candy store we always go to afterward. The familiarity is part of what makes it special for her.
These days do not have to be expensive or even planned. Sometimes we would hop on the city bus and explore. Many communities offer free events. Time together at the playground, the park, or on a hike counts just as much. What matters is the attention, not the itinerary.
As our girls have grown, long stretches of open time on the weekend have become harder to find. So we have adapted. Now we pay attention to the moments when only one of our daughters is home. When one has an activity or a birthday party, we are intentional about spending that time with the daughter who is home.
My husband and I have also started taking nights away with each of our girls. We have visited family, gone to amusement parks, and explored big cities. An overnight visit with family or a night of camping works beautifully. What makes it meaningful is that one child receives undivided attention and plenty of opportunity for connection.
What Protecting Connection Has Given Us
These longer moments together have made our relationship more enjoyable for both of us. When I am not only the person giving reminders and making requests, my daughters experience a different side of me. I get to know them more fully, too.
I have also noticed that connection changes the tone of our everyday interactions. When we have made time to listen and enjoy each other’s company, conversations about homework, responsibilities, and expectations often feel less transactional. We are still parents setting expectations, but those expectations exist within a relationship that we are actively nurturing.
Connection does not compete with family leadership. It is what makes that leadership possible.
Connection Will Look Different for Every Family
No other family’s version of this will look like ours, nor should it. Not every family has the same opportunities. Some parents are raising kids solo. Some work schedules make family dinners rare. For some families, weekends are spoken for long before they arrive.
The specific practices matter less than the decision behind them. It can start with naming just one connection point that matters most in your family, setting a simple standard around it, and protecting it as your children grow.
Connection does not happen by accident. It happens when we decide what matters and make a shared commitment to protecting it.
What is one moment of connection in your family that is worth protecting this month? And what will it take to protect it?
